Worry

Ah, how I wish I wasn't a worrier... I come from a long line of worriers so breaking the pattern isn't easy. Although I try my best to remember that God is in control and nothing I can do will change this I still find myself sitting here tonight with a lot on my mind. I worry about Eric's job. Some strange things seem to be going on and no one is communicating very well. We have been waiting for months to see if Eric will be moving from his night shift to a day shift and the time appears to us to be drawing closer for a transition to be made, yet still none of the "leads" know what's going on. I worry that if Eric is passed over for this shift change his heart will be broken. I worry how on earth I will manage having an infant and a toddler at home all day if my husband needs the house to be relatively quiet for him to sleep...

I'm also worried about our ultrasound on Friday. I'm super excited to find out if this is a boy or girl (because for the life of me I have no feelings either way...) yet I'm more excited to know that all their internal organs are developing and functioning as they should. I think with this pregnancy I am much more aware of all the birth defects and complications that can occur... I spend too much time looking up various kinds of syndromes on the internet and am petrified of giving birth a child that needs to spend time in the NICU. Honestly when we were pregnant with Elijah I think both Eric and I were blissfully ignorant to how blessed we were to have given birth to a healthy child. I know that God has formed this child in his image and that long before we knew they were coming he already the three of us picked out for one another.

And while I'm at it, I'll throw out one more Worry. I worry about Elijah not being a baby any more. He'll only be 20 months old in July and I sincerly hope that with the arrival of his younger sibling he doesn't feel the need to grow up too fast. I love Eli with all my being and cannot imagine my life without him. I know that I'll feel the same about the 'new one' too (I already love them and at this point all they do is kick me and cause me to go to the bathroom A LOT!) but I worry that Eli will never remember a time when it was just him and mommy and daddy. He has taught me so much about life and myself and even when he's 58 and I'm 84 (I plan on living a looooonnnngggg time) he will know that he will ALWAYS be a baby to me.

Yikes! It's past midnight, I best be in bed.

-Sarah